


a heart will always stay one day too long

by amlev



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F, a lil angst a lil fluff, a lot of pining and decisions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 01:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14250408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amlev/pseuds/amlev
Summary: Set during PP2, sometime before Worlds. Beca didn’t pick her back in freshman year, but Chloe would always pick Beca. When she and Jesse break up, Chloe has a decision to make.





	a heart will always stay one day too long

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iPhone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iPhone/gifts).



> Bingo game fic exchange with ao3 user iPhone! We wrote bingo squares for each other and had to hit all the points in our fics. Thank you to my clever gf for helping me brainstorm. Enjoy!

_it looked as if i’d picked your name out of a hat_

_next thing i know, you are asleep in someone’s lap_

 

\----------

 

Beca shuffled into the living room and flopped down on the L-shaped couch adjacent to Chloe with a huff. Chloe sighed as half her biology notes were launched into the air from the impact and Beca cursed and scrambled to catch the flying papers. Beca had been haunting the Bellas’ house for three days now since the breakup - a small, hoodie-clad spectre floating aimlessly through the rooms and hallways - never stopping to talk to anyone but still hovering in their doorways. The Bellas took care of Beca as best they could, bringing her instant noodles, mac & cheese, and pints of Ben and Jerry’s. Couldn’t Jesse have waited until _after_ midterms to break up with Beca? His timing sucked, but what else was new? Chloe wrinkled her nose and pushed the thought out of her head, turning to face Beca, who now sat cross-legged and sheepishly held up a stack of pages.

“How are you holding up?” Chloe asked lightly, taking the sheets of paper from Beca and beginning to sort them. She’d learned it was best to let Beca come to her, and not pry too much unless Beca brought up her feelings unprompted.

Beca glanced up at Chloe, unwilling to verbalize her need for company but pleading with her eyes. “Good,” she croaked, her voice rough from disuse and countless naps. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Good,” she repeated, more to herself than to Chloe. She fiddled with the drawstrings on her hoodie - wait, Chloe’s hoodie. So that’s where that one went. Beca looked so tiny in it, the sleeves too long for her - just like whenever she’d borrowed Jesse’s shirts. Chloe’s chest felt tight at the memory; the pressure lessened when she realized her best friend was now taking comfort in _her_ clothes instead of her boyfriend’s. She swallowed and continued.

“Want a distraction?” Because Lord, did she need one. Chloe held up her biology notes, and Beca nodded. Chloe patted her lap, and Beca scooted forward gratefully to rest her head on Chloe’s thighs.

(She couldn’t help herself around Beca - she never could, not even when she was dating Jesse. Beca had never shied away from Chloe’s touches - playing with her hair, holding her hand, tracing patterns on her forearm or lightly scratching her back. She even started to initiate contact on her own by the time she was a sophomore; so Chloe’s been on a low burn for years, and the timer on her _friendship_ with Beca has started ticking faster since the breakup.)

Chloe absently stroked the hairs from Beca’s forehead with one hand to soothe her and tilted the papers towards her with her other (so she wouldn’t have to focus on Beca’s soft skin and the implications of her serene expression). She began to read aloud, and felt her instantly relax in her lap. Her voice washed over Beca, a warm and familiar timbre. Beca nuzzled into her touch to remind her to keep petting her head when she got too engrossed in her notes and Chloe’s stomach twisted at the intimacy of it all. They had gotten through four pages of definitions when she felt Beca shift in her lap.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Beca interrupted.

“What?” Chloe fingers stilled and she moved the papers away from her face to look down at Beca, expecting an expression of discomfort.

“...The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell,” Beca yawned and smiled proudly up at Chloe, who couldn’t help but grin back and tap Beca’s forehead playfully with her stack of papers. Maybe this whole moping-about-Jesse thing wouldn’t last that long after all.

 

\----------

 

It did last.

It lasted well into the next week, and Chloe couldn’t figure out why. Whenever she tried to coax a “healthy discussion of feelings” out of Beca, Beca insisted she was well on her way to getting over Jesse, and their relationship had been on the rocks for awhile. They’d been more friends towards the end than anything, merely going through the motions of a physical relationship.

“We’re still friends,” Beca assured Chloe (and herself). “I just… miss having another person, y’know?” she indicated the space around her with a wave of her hand. Chloe did know. She had to listen to it through the walls a few times. She tried not to unpack how exactly that made her throat constrict and how she pummelled the stuffing out of her favourite pillow and had to buy a new one.

Chloe pushed past the pit in her stomach and shot Beca a lascivious grin. Teasing Beca was easy. Familiar. A dance in which they’d both been willing partners for years. “Well, Beca, if you ever need a warm body…” She leaned forward conspiratorially and winked, as she’d done countless times. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Beca rolled her eyes at Chloe’s teasing but couldn’t help the smile from spreading across her face. She tugged Chloe closer by the wrists and for one wild, absurd moment, Chloe thought she was going to kiss her. Beca pulled her in for a hug instead, tucking her chin against Chloe’s shoulder as Chloe tried desperately to calm her pounding pulse. “I mean, your hugs are okay, I guess,” she said, her words muffled by Chloe’s shirt. Chloe’s heart fluttered. She’d take what she could get.

 

\----------

 

The cuddling continued for another two weeks, with Beca crawling into Chloe’s bed for warmth and companionship and late-night movies and a leg platonically thrown over her hips and _never for what Chloe wanted it to be for._

 

\----------

 

“Beca!” Chloe called out into the house after coming home from her last class of the day, dropping her keys on the kitchen table. Beca deserved a proper best friend breakup distraction now that midterms were mostly over, and Chloe was gonna give it to her. The distraction, she meant. For her friend.  “I’m taking you out!”

“Ugh, I wish you would,” groaned Beca, not glancing up from her textbook. “Put me out of my misery.”

Chloe rolled her eyes. “No, silly, let’s go dancing!” She rounded the living room couch to come up behind Beca and rest her chin on top of her head, unable to help herself.

“I don’t wanna go pick up guys, Chloe, I’m not looking for a rebound,” said Beca dismissively, still not looking up.

Chloe scoffed. “That is _so_ not why we are going. ” As if Chloe would ever voluntarily lead Beca into the arms of another man who’d inevitably try to change her in some way.

(And yet she knew she’d give up her own happiness for Beca’s in a heartbeat.)

“I just think you should go outside, get away from this negative energy.” She wiggled her fingers in front of Beca’s face, who swatted them away.

“You sound like Amy,” Beca replied in a monotone voice, turning the page.

Chloe pursed her lips. “Good thinking, I’m sure Amy would love to come, and the two of us could easily carry your tiny butt out the door.”

Beca squawked indignantly as Chloe pressed a quick kiss to her hair and went upstairs to change.

\----------

After several shots of what Amy insisted was Australian moonshine and Chloe was certain was paint thinner, they walked to the club near campus. Chloe nodded when she saw it was loud and crowded enough to drown out any more-than-friends feelings she was having. She needed the distraction just as much as Beca; the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, right? Determined, Chloe made a beeline for the bar to get drinks for herself and Beca. She waved at the bartender, who recognized her from the many nights she spent dancing and drinking when Beca started bringing Jesse over to the house more and more. Amy had already found someone tall, dark, and handsome to buy her liquor while she regaled him with her latest tale of jelly-wrestling.

Chloe turned to face the dance floor, scanning the crowd for Beca while sipping her cocktail. With a pang she couldn’t help, she spotted the top of Beca’s head and a guy leaning down to yell in her ear over the music. He handed her a shot, which she downed. They shouted back and forth over roaring bass, Beca giving him a small smile every so often. He angled his body closer and closer every time he spoke. She leaned back to say something, and turned sideways suddenly to gesture towards the bar and Chloe, who suddenly felt uneasy about the situation. He put his arm around her waist and tried to say something again, but Beca waved him off with a grimace and a no doubt flimsy excuse and disappeared. Panic setting in, Chloe flashed the bartender an apologetic grin and took off in search of Beca.

\----------

She found her in the bathroom, gripping the sink and staring down at her hands.

“Hey Bec,” she said, faux-chipper and overly sunny but unsure how else to approach this. “That guy sure was handsome, huh? He wasn’t bothering you, was he?”

Beca looked up to meet Chloe’s gaze in the mirror, and like a shot through her chest, Chloe saw that she’d been crying. She immediately stepped forward, reaching out to stroke Beca’s back and murmur “What’s wrong?”

Beca reluctantly turned to face her. “That guy was into me, but I couldn’t talk to him. I’m not ready, I didn’t want to - I’m not good at this,” she said with a sniff, her voice small. “What if I just end up like my parents?”

Chloe’s heart broke at the confession, and she rubbed soothing circles into Beca’s shoulders, encouraging her to continue.

“I’m, like, unlovable, or something. Jesse was my only shot at this,” she wiped harshly at her eyes, smudging dark makeup across her cheek. “I don’t know why I even care, I knew I was a ‘forever alone’ kind of deal.” She laughed derisively and crossed her arms over her body, swaying from the alcohol and slouching against the counter.

“He wasn’t your only shot, Becs,” Chloe said softly, her heart in her throat, her resolve threatening to break. Beca’s stance was guarded but her words were vulnerable, and Chloe ached. She ached for this incredible girl in front of her, and wished Beca could see herself through Chloe’s eyes. Chloe swallowed, trying and failing to not give herself away, but when she drank she couldn’t help the truths that slipped out. So much for distractions. “There are plenty of people who would line up for you,” she chirped with the forced confidence of someone convincing the love of their life to date someone else.  

Beca scoffed, and gestured halfheartedly at the door beyond Chloe’s shoulder. “Yeah, like who?”

Chloe gave Beca a sad smile, watched Beca blink back more tears at Chloe’s lack of a response; that was the last straw. There was nothing left to scare her; she had nothing to lose but the pain of being in love with her best friend. She took a slow step towards Beca and watched Beca’s watery, unreadable expression - but she wasn’t moving away. (Why would she, when she and Chloe are so close? Such good _friends?_ )

Chloe cupped Beca’s cheek lightly and took a leap of faith. She pressed a gentle kiss to Beca’s closed lips, to her high cheekbone, before leaning in closer and whispering “Like me.” And Beca froze.

Chloe pulled away and blushed, letting her hand drop from Beca’s face. She took a step back, heart pounding from the risk. Beca’s hand shot up to touch her own mouth where Chloe’s had just been. She looked… shocked? Pleased? Baffled? Chloe backed up into the door and fumbled for the handle behind her. She remembered having felt the same confusion and uncertainty, after kissing a girl; she’d normally try to talk to Beca, but she was suddenly exhausted and all out of bravery for tonight.

“Chloe - wait, I -” Beca stammered, reaching out to catch Chloe’s fingers.

“I’ll see you at home, Bec,” Chloe said quietly, giving Beca’s hand a squeeze before dropping their hands and closing the door.

\----------

Chloe was very, very sober.

She sat on her bed, head in her hands, and pondered what drove her to potentially destroy the only closeness she’ll ever have with the girl she’s in love with. _Fool._

She was jolted out of her thoughts by a knock on her bedroom door and the pit in her stomach started turning somersaults again. She’d heard the front door opening and closing half an hour ago, but had assumed Beca had gone to bed. She wasn’t even sure what she’d say to Beca if she confronted her. Hey, I’ve been in love with you for almost four years or whatever, sorry I was too chickenshit to mention anything! She closed her eyes and took a steadying breath before stage-whispering “Come in!”

The door opened a crack, revealing a makeup- and tear-free Beca, sporting a resolute expression ...and Chloe’s Barden sweater. _Oh._ She toyed with the drawstrings as usual, with the hems of the too-long sleeves, and shifted from foot to foot.

“Hi,” she finally managed, and Chloe couldn’t help but snort at the simplicity of the greeting in the face of an emotional minefield.

“Hi,” Chloe repeated, with a small smile. She wondered if Beca could see her heart nearly beating out of her chest in anticipation of this conversation. “Are we gonna -”

“I want you,” Beca blurted out, surprising the both of them, and covered her face in embarrassment. Chloe’s breath caught in her chest, relief washing over her. “I mean, I ...really like you. Y’know. That way,” Beca coughed and grimaced at the awkwardness. “I think.”

“You think?” whispered Chloe, heart threatening to burst, knowing even this small confession was a big deal.

“I know,” affirmed Beca, and Chloe watched her take a deep breath.

She stepped into Chloe’s space and looked up at her with uncertain but determined eyes. The pit in Chloe’s stomach tightened for an entirely new reason. Beca reached out, the sleeves of her hoodie falling back from her hands, and cupped Chloe’s face. Chloe felt dizzy from trying to keep her eyes on Beca’s as she neared, until she gave up and closed them at the nudge of Beca’s nose against hers, the lightest brush of Beca’s mouth.

Chloe melted instantly into the kiss, sighing with relief at the softness of Beca’s lips. She kissed back gently, placing her hands carefully at Beca’s hips and letting her set the pace. Beca groaned at Chloe’s slowness and ran her tongue over her bottom lip, tilting her head and coaxing Chloe into a deeper kiss. Chloe’s eyes rolled back at the first hot brush of Beca’s tongue.

_Shit_.

Beca’s fingers carded through Chloe’s hair; her blunt nails scratched lightly at the back of her head, her hand slid down to cup Chloe’s neck, thumb stroked her jawline. Chloe thought her knees would buckle. She barely registered how quickly this was happening, she was too busy seeing fireworks behind her eyes at the fact that it was happening at all. She slid her hands from Beca’s hips to her ass, squeezing, pulling Beca closer, earning a rough moan. Beca nipped at her lower lip and held Chloe’s gaze before releasing it with a small pop. Chloe’s heartbeat quickened. Their first kiss was sweet; their second was fucking _cosmic._

“Bed,” Beca whispered, and Chloe was helpless to do anything but nod. They broke apart briefly, breathlessly, though it seemed like forever to Chloe, and sat down on Chloe’s bed. Or rather, Chloe sat down and Beca surprised them both by straddling Chloe’s hips and _pressing_ with a gasp. Chloe grabbed Beca’s ass again, guiding her as she was grinding and sucking bruising marks into Chloe’s neck. Her hands roamed Beca’s back, sliding up under her hoodie to make contact with bare skin. She scratched lightly, hearing Beca’s unrestrained whimper beside her ear. (She’d be committing it to memory for sure.)

Chloe instantly missed the warmth of Beca’s mouth when Beca pulled back, but her brain short-circuited at the sight. Beca’s lips were kiss-swollen and shiny, her pupils dark, her skin flushed and breath coming out in short pants. She looked as utterly debauched as Chloe felt, and they hadn’t even gone to second base. As soon as the thought crossed Chloe’s cloudy mind, Beca looked at her pointedly and tugged at the hem of Chloe’s pyjama shirt, and Chloe sank into another heated kiss.

 

\----------

They lay side by side in the quiet aftermath, the intimacy and calm of the darkness helping Chloe work up the courage. She was ignoring most of her emotions - in fact, all but one. She had to say it.

Chloe broke the silence. “Beca,” she started. “I’ve ...really liked you since we first met.” Her confession hung in the air between them for a few beats that felt like forever.

Beca slowly turned to look at Chloe. “Could we not talk about this right now?” Beca tried. Chloe regretted her words, the hot embarrassment creeping up her neck shattering her confidence.

“I...maybe we don’t have to...label things?” Beca let her quiet suggestion drift through the darkness. She averted her eyes from Chloe, who was starting to see red. And green. She knew it was irrational, but -

“I know you miss having -” _Jesse._ “- another person, but I’m not a replacement. I can’t just keep cuddling you or being your bed-warmer whenever you feel like it, Beca,” Chloe hissed. “I have feelings, too!”

Or rather, have had feelings for a long, long time.  

“I know, I - I’m sorry,” Beca’s tone was dejected and soft. Guilty. Chloe felt a pang of regret for snapping at Beca. Her myriad of swirling feelings probably couldn’t compare to the ones coursing through Beca. Chloe thought back on the mixed bag of emotions she had felt after her first encounter with a girl - pure joy, calming relief, and cold panic - though she’d purposely forgotten over the years.

“Are we… Are you okay?” Chloe asked, concerned; no longer the dutiful best friend, but maybe something more.

 

“I don’t know,” whispered Beca, sinking Chloe’s heart with three syllables. She wishes it had been three different syllables.

 

\----------

Beca found Chloe at the kitchen table the next morning, nursing a glass of water. Chloe sighed when she heard her approaching, but didn’t look up. She was too emotionally drained to look Beca in the eye.

“Last night was… a lot…” Beca began hesitantly, wringing her hands.

Chloe’s heart sank. She’d seen this coming, but she couldn’t have lived through another second of cuddling Beca in her bed every night without knowing if she felt something too. And clearly she’d felt _something_ , though maybe it wasn’t the right time. Maybe Chloe came along too early in the journey to be that person for Beca.

“I think - I’d really - I mean it was _good,_ like _really good,_ and I think I need _time,_ y’know, cuz you’re, like, my best friend, and my first...my first, uh…” She twisted her fingers together before gesturing openly and pursing her lips. “Do you wanna get coffee?” she finished lamely, sticking her thumb over her shoulder and grimacing.  

Chloe was thrown for a loop, but her brain managed to catch up with some of Beca’s words. “Good? You’re not mad?” Beca shook her head, sending Chloe’s mind reeling again. “Wait - are you asking me out?”

Beca ran a hand through her hair and averted her eyes. “Uh, yeah. I wanna try this, I wanna try… us,” she said, playing nervously with the drawstrings of her hoodie. (Chloe’s hoodie).

Chloe’s face split into what felt like the brightest grin she’d worn since the Activities Fair. She laced her fingers with Beca’s and closed the distance between them. “Good,” she breathed against Beca’s mouth, and she felt Beca smile, too. She hooked her hands in the front pouch of Beca’s Barden sweater and yanked her closer. “Now, stop stealing my clothes.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
